An Insider's Guide to Navigating the Fine Dining World
By Meshelle Armstrong
“There are definite procedures to ensure a positive dining/restaurant experience. It all begins with this idea: Prepare for good dining karma.”
- Restaurant Eve Service Manual
Staffing a new restaurant is rough business. I know; we’ve
just opened one.
There are 12 million employees in the restaurant industry in the USA, which makes it the second largest employer in the nation after the government.
With those numbers you’d think that the staffing pool would be pretty plentiful. And it is. But the good ones are hard to find. Really hard to find. Normally, when a restaurant is already in operation you don’t really notice how many people apply for positions. The restaurant industry is just like a revolving door, swooping in, swooping out–someone’s either coming from Miami or moving to Miami.
So, with the one-in, one-out scenario you forget what it’s like to interview en masse.
Hours were spent interviewing the open call applicants for our new restaurant, trying to find those few people that can be molded to our ways–to see the hospitality light.
Throughout the lengthy interview process our managers had organized I would wander in from time to time, nodding here and there at the few hopefuls that I thought were possibilities: good body language, attentive, taking notes, asking the right questions because they did their homework per the ad–“Know who we are as a
restaurant group before you apply.”
Then there were the others: unkempt and slouchy, “Uh, are you all like part of {insert restaurant group, clearly not us} ?” Many answering our questions with “Um, yeah,” and my favorite, “So, how much money am I gonna make here?” This particular lot got the immediate, “Thank you for coming–now out, out, out.”
But the one that sticks out in my mind was the 20-something girl who arrived in a super short, denim skirt (one she really should not have been wearing, never mind to an interview).
She chewed and cracked gum the whole time with a beyond laissez-faire ‘tude.
“Yeah, I wanna be a bartender. It’s a good way to meet dudes.”
Following her triumphant interview, she untwisted her coke bottle top (while it was cradled between her legs)–sssffftttt–put her wait-a-sec finger up and took a long, gulping swig.
Ok, Miss Two Scoops of Crazy, amusing but ah, no, we shan’t be needing those very apt services.
I did actually think about telling her the truth as to why she would not be hired. Instead, I just smiled and sent the hot mess on her way–to someone else. While part of me wanted to pass on a few tips on how to get hired, I realized she wouldn’t even have a clue what I was saying–she was already too far gone.
Attitude, I cannot teach.
We hire all our people first based on attitude. We look for that very special mix of humbleness and confidence. Everything else after that can be learned.
Skills, I can teach.
How to properly host dinner for various services: silver, American, Russian. How to properly clear a table. How to properly decant wine.
But before even all that, there is a very simple list: our own personal collection of what NOT to do when waiting on patrons. It’s a compilation of 100+”no-no’s”. Many were gathered and passed on by my peers before me, others I’ve collected while in the moment of processing voids, comping, and sweet-talking my way out of my staff’s why-didyou-say/do-that fiascos. And one I’ve added on as recently as yesterday.
While I am already thrilled with many of our newest “restaurant family” members, I know some of them will not make it. Regardless of restaurant style, fine dining or a casual tavern, diners are tough, and many downright mean (Coming soon to Back of the House). So I have to give our doe-eyed hopefuls that home team advantage. If they can at least remember most items on this list, it will extend their serving career and even more importantly make you, the diner, happier.
I won’t share the whole list, for fear of sounding like a tyrant and getting booed out by one of those 12 million restaurant employees. If you want to know the rest, you’ll just have to apply.
They are not listed in any particular order or level of ‘badness.’ And
Restaurant Eve’s list is a bit more involved. But this will give you an idea of what you should expect from (I can’t speak for everyone else) most floor staff. And promise me this: if you ever see any of our people–new, old, the fine dining captains, or even the counter kings (the gents that work
Eamonn’s chip shoppe)–performing any of the following ‘no-no’ hi-jinks, send me an
email.
But remember, my newbies are still learning; after a month of being open, then we can rant.
And if there are any restaurant employee actions that you find particularly egregious–send me an email. I may or may not already have them noted but I’d love to know if my list is complete.
Oh, and here are a couple of those preinterview tips I really wanted to share with Miss Chug-alug.
Remember:
Chances are you won’t be hired (but you’ll certainly make me laugh) if a well crafted resume full of your passions for the food industry is sent from an email address such as: hottotrot76, boytoy, or the best ever, u_a_lzyfkr (yes, these are some I have received). Better to refrain from sending any of those handles.
Chances are you won’t be hired if your answer to “Why did you leave your previous job?” is: “I couldn’t get along with the the manager.”
Chances are you won’t be hired if in the interview you are given a schedule of the shifts and your reply is, “Oh, that won’t work for me, is it possible to come in later?”
But that’s just me.
Ok, on to the follies:
Never call a table of women, guys, or anyone “dude.” (This rule should just apply in general terms.)
Never say “no problem” or “uh huh” to a guest’s “thank you.” The only appropriate reply is “you are welcome.” (Again, this rule applies to life skills.)
Never try to pick up or make moves on anyone while you are waiting on them. (If you don’t get the date, you still have to wait on them.)
Never compliment one person at the table. (You’re basically telling all the others that they don’t pass muster.)
Never say or ask a single diner, “ Oh, you are alone tonight?”
Never interrupt a conversation to recite specials. It’s like saying, “Excuuuuse me, I’m in a hurry and what I have to say is way more important.”
Never make comments to a conversation you’ve overheard. (“Oh, sounds like a scary movie.”) They could be talking about their lives. And anyway, no one cares. “Go get my drink” is probably what they’re thinking.
Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”
Never touch, pat or dust a guest. Even if they are regulars, hands off.
Never say, “Still working on that?” (Work?)
Never use profanity even if the guests do. You are not cool, you’re just rude.
Never clear plates from a table if someone is still eating. (No one wants to be the last one eating while the others are looking at you and thinking “hurry up.”)
Never bite your fingernails, scratch your crotch or run fingers through your hair. Gross.
Never stand idle or chat to your fellow staff while empty or full tables are covered with dirty dishes. (If I see you, trust me, I’ll give you more work.)
Never have a personal conversation with another waiter within earshot of customers. (They do not want to know what you did over the weekend, they want attention.)
Never hustle the most expensive items– “You should have the lobster, it’s my favorite and the most popular.” The lobster is not the prom queen, and you sound like you’re pumping the check.
Never drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Thank you, but not when I’m on duty,” is the proper response.
Never say, “Good choice.” What? The other choices are bad.
Never blame the kitchen, bar, host, runner or the weather for anything that goes wrong. Just make it right.
Never overly turn on the charm at tip time. Be charming throughout. And anyway, everyone knows “the rub.”
Never pick up or clear dirty glasses with “the claw.” Finger fungus does exist. Enough said.
Never say–and boy I know this because I personally made this mistake, in my early days–never say, “Would you like a third, (or fourth, or fifth) glass of wine?”
And the one I added (and it’s been a long times since) after overhearing a conversation between a guest and one of our now Ex staff members–Never answer a question with an idiotic reply:
Guest: “What’s served under the scallops?’
Waiter: “Oh, some white mushy stuff.”
It was risotto. And I think his head was full of white mushy stuff. If you don’t know the answer, don’t play cute or stupid. Go find out and study your menu. This is your job.
So there they are, ‘The Nevers’. Reading them again brings back so many fond memories. Here’s hoping they stick–to serve you well.
And to the would be snarkers, yes, I also have a detailed list of the “do’s”. But for some reason the dont’s are far easier to remember.
I adore our staff, they work very hard. But make no mistake, they know very well what they are getting into when they punch the clock in ‘our house’. Our expectations are high–they have to be.
From the Washington DC 41st Annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade Grand Marshal, Chef Armstrong
The only authentic chipper in the area, Eamonn’s is the place to be on St. Patrick’s Day. Located in the heart of Old Town Alexandria, come by to feast on fish and chips and drink a Guinness or Smithwicks. No fighting Irish allowed, but for those looking for a delicious fry—Fish, bananas, Milkyway bar and yes even a ‘burgher’—Eamonn’s welcomes you. Resident mixologist Clinton Terry gives props to his boss, Irish native Chef Cathal Armstrong, with the Eamonn’s Sour Irish made with Irish red lemonade and Powers Irish Whiskey. These special Irish offerings will be offered all week leading up to St. Patrick’s Day.
For those in the truly festive mood, celebrate St. Patrick’s day like the original Irish Celts with the Ancient Celtic Lunch special, available the week leading up to St. Patrick’s Day. The three course menu offers a union of old and new; traditional Irish food inspired by ingredients available to the original Celts of Ireland. Smoked Mackerel Salad with Heirloom Beets, Bitter Greens, Young Flowers and Horseradish Vinaigrette, Corned Beef Sandwich on Potato Roll with Housemade Sauerkraut, and Guinness and Treacle Cake with Lyle's Salted Cream and Jameson's White Chocolate Ganache, are paired with Mixologist Todd Thrasher’s St. Patrick’s Whey Cocktail for $35. 
Follow the leprechaun, he’s sure to bring you to Virtue’s gold, where “gastro” Irish pub grub and over 80 domestic and imported beers await you. As Irish dancers dance throughout the restaurant, Chef Ryan Wheeler will serve Irish Feast Specials paired with featured Irish whisky and beers. Pastry chef Rebekka Baltzell will feature desserts using Irish ingredients, such as the Side Car Cupcake made with Jameson frosting and a Guinness pastry filling. Specials available for the Alexandria St. Patrick’s Day Parade, as well as the entire week leading up to St. Patrick’s Day.
Granola and Irish Tea are staples in the cabinets of Society Fair, and would do well to make any sleepy eye smile like the Irish.
